Monday, January 3, 2011
A hole in me....
I came across this book last year on Christmas Eve~ I read it somehow through the tears that filled my eyes~ I got one for myself shortly after.
What I have come to understand over the past 16 months is that "a hole" does not even come close to describing the amount of loss that my heart feels.
I have tried to find the best way to put it into words when you are talking to someone about how hard things are~ and the best thing that I have come up with is that the void is the size of the Grand Canyon inside of you. I have continually tried to fill the void over the past 16 months. With projects, and exercise and book groups and people and activities, all of which are amazing things that have helped me so much.
But nothing can fill the void that is left in my heart~
I thought I was so strong and doing so great but life has proven me wrong.
I stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon looking in ~ feeling myself as a woman who has lost her way. Time is proving harder not easier as promised. Life continues anyways~
but sometimes I just feel like screaming...HELP....HELP....What am I suppose to do to find myself again? I know I have just been having a harder couple of days... weeks... months... and I hope that I can find my way to peace inside my self again, but today is a day of sorrow and lost hope...
Tomorrow is a new day...