Monday, January 3, 2011

A hole in me....

I came across this book last year on Christmas Eve~ I read it somehow through the tears that filled my eyes~ I got one for myself shortly after.
What I have come to understand over the past 16 months is that "a hole" does not even come close to describing the amount of loss that my heart feels.
I have tried to find the best way to put it into words when you are talking to someone about how hard things are~ and the best thing that I have come up with is that the void is the size of the Grand Canyon inside of you. I have continually tried to fill the void over the past 16 months. With projects, and exercise and book groups and people and activities, all of which are amazing things that have helped me so much.
But nothing can fill the void that is left in my heart~
I thought I was so strong and doing so great but life has proven me wrong.
I stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon looking in ~ feeling myself as a woman who has lost her way. Time is proving harder not easier as promised. Life continues anyways~
but sometimes I just feel like screaming...HELP....HELP....What am I suppose to do to find myself again? I know I have just been having a harder couple of days... weeks... months... and I hope that I can find my way to peace inside my self again, but today is a day of sorrow and lost hope...

Tomorrow is a new day...


  1. Tomorrow IS a New Day! I have to say that to myself everyday... sometimes All Day Long! I know the gaping hole inside you. I don't think it's going to fill up. I think we just have to learn to live with it. It is now apart of us. Apart of who we are. It affects so much of who we are, what we do, what we say. Our lives are forever changed.

    Sending you the biggest of hugs!

  2. Tomorrow IS a New Day! And it will be a great one too! I know this because there isn't a day go by that I don't think of you or talk to you. And you always brighten my day.
    Even when you are down and troubled. Your love makes me strong. You inspire me every time you find your light.
    Thank you for sharing your life. The good and the bad. I admire the way you feel every feeling, examine very thought, and weigh every doubt. Nothing is squandered or wasted. Like you said, "Life is to short!" You are true and honest. And I love you for all that you are!

  3. Oh, Tiff, I am so sorry for the hole in your heart. I'm praying for you. Here's my prayer.

    Dear Jesus,
    Please help Tiffany to find the peace that comes from You. Give her special memories of her Mom. Fill that void that she feels. Help her to seek You. Thank You for the incredible gifts you have given her. Thank you for her mom who also had amazing gifts. Help Tiff to know she is a special person. Give her the peace and comfort that surpasses all understanding.

    P.S...If you have a Bible, check out the gospel of John, chapter 14. It always brings me peace.

  4. This post.... I get it.
    People always tell you the hole gets smaller with time. It doesn't you just eventually learn that the hole is apart of you. You become this new kind of person. When you stop, you feel it there as big and painful as ever. In someways, bigger because that person is gone and more time has passed so you miss him or her more than ever. Love to you. I hope you're okay :)